I got my first positive after taking a test because I felt sick that morning. It happens fast.
As far as Jane goes, what kind of support is your fiancée expecting from her? I think of support as something for people going through a hard time, not planning a celebration.
Support in the sense of actually taking part in discussions about things, actually showing an interest rather than blanking the conversation before bringing it back to her illness (not pregnancy talk, illness talk)
Likewise, what involvement should she have in the planning? It's your wedding, the decisions are yours to make. But when its bought up like what dress style she should try, what sort of decoration would look good, I dont know for sure but I think she doesn't really engage in the conversation
Maids of honor usually attend dress shopping and plan a bachelorette party or a shower (it's a lot to expect one woman to do both, especially cost-wise). That's if they are able; circumstances may preclude some of those things.
Ok she may be to ill to attend. But in terms of acknowledging that we are actually having a wedding would be nice, when they got engaged we got them a congrats card, personalised champagne flutes with a bottle, we didn't even get a card on our engagement.
Your fiancée asked Jane to stand up for her in the wedding and Jane agreed. That doesn't mean she has to be on call for all things wedding-related in the lead up to it.
Does it not? Maid of honour verses just a bridesmaid role?
To be honest, Jane does sound a bit selfish. But you're also very judgmental of her choices ("The weird thing is she didn't want to be pregnant but is going through with it anyway.") and skeptical about her physical and mental health.
Ok I worded that very wrong, i didn't know how else to say "she admitted that she wants an abortion" I'm not skeptical about her mental health, she definately has mental health issues but she doesn't think she does. She's had an ear ache for nearly a year, but had multiple antibiotic course, dozens of doctors meeting, multiple ear scans, blood tests, all normal and negative. There's like 10 years of mental health issues linked with her ill health, but neither she nor doctors/her parents are linking the 2.
If your fiancée wants Jane in the wedding, then as long as Jane can make that commitment, she's fulfilling maid of honor duties in their simplest form. If you want more and you make 'more' a prerequisite for being maid of honor, your fiancée needs to be honest with Jane about her expectations.
That's what we wanted to know, how to tell her she's not gonna be involved in planning of the wedding or on the day itself in a role but without hurting her feelings.