If you don't want to listen to people who haven't been in your shoes but still have your best interests in mind, maybe you'll listen to someone who has.

My husband literally saved my life. We've been together since we were 15 and 16. I was being abused by my stepdad, who was using something to drug me in order to abuse me, and he kept giving me more drugs to keep me unconscious and it would have killed me. I would have overdosed.

Having survived that, my husband continued to save me. I've been suicidal since I was in high school (I'm 35 now). He's been with me through cancer, being diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses, becoming disabled, etc. My life has been a shitshow in so many ways and he's kept me from giving up.

All that said? If he'd done what your boyfriend did? I'd be gone. I'm not saying it would be easy, or that I wouldn't feel guilty. But especially if he told me not to wait? I'd be done.

You are more than what you've been through. Your worth is not tied to him or what he thinks of you. You need to learn to see yourself as a separate entity and you need to learn to choose yourself.