I'm with you on that. Honestly, while I'd consider both unacceptable in my marriage, I almost think lap dances are more inappropriate than what the girlfriend here did. It's one thing to get up on a stage and dance, even in a risque way, to an anonymous crowd. Lap dances are 1-on-1 and there is touching involved (and yes, I know there are strict rules blah blah blah, but it's still more personal and equally sexual, at least IMO).

I'm lucky I guess because my husband agrees with me and doesn't care for strip clubs in general, but we did hash this out early in our marriage when he was a groomsman in a wedding where they were going to a strip club for the bachelor party. When he told me, I asked what he envisioned happening and we hashed out specific boundaries that we were both okay with (including no lap dances, which I know he upheld because the other groomsmen teased him about it for months).

If one of my friends told me she was going to an amateur night, I'd just assume that she was at least considering dancing. I know not everyone does, but it's a pretty safe assumption that they're thinking about it. She should have been more clear about it, but I can also see where a somewhat immature 22-year-old might think that just saying, "Hey, I'm going to amateur night at a strip club!" implied that she'd be dancing. The fact that she called him the next day and volunteered the information in an excited way makes me think she really did think he would be okay with it. It's still a problem because he isn't okay with it, but I think it is really more a sign that they need to work on their communication about boundaries than anything else.