Firstly, I was 30 before I properly escaped- I read some of these other stories and feel like such a failure in comparison to how other people bravely left at 16 sometimes younger. But that was my life and this is yours. I think the 'just smiling thing' means to basically put your best foot forward as they say. I'm not agree necessarily, when life's tough you need to talk about it. My dad used to constantly tell me off for moaning about the shit I was going through and it infuriated me, because I was stuck in this rut and was being told to 'just smile', don't be so negative etc. (My dad was majorly absent, but if phone him when things went really bad and j was on the edge) I just wanted someone to say, "that's not right, you can do this" . Truth is, when you're in a steaming pile of shit, no one wants to touch you. No one wants to help. I don't know why. And then you become negative and it pushes people away- who likes negativity? No one really gets it. I do understand. A bit of kindness could make all of the difference to you, but it's too much to et their hands dirty. In that case, I found it was better to not tell them my problems. If it just leads to upset, what's the point? People only love you when you're smiling. Now my life's better, people love me. When i was in the gutter, people found my mindset and presence very uncomfortable. I know that when you're there, in that shit pile with no view of an end, it's hard and the only advice I can give is push on. Know who you can trust and who you can't. I'm confident that if you stop eating your energy (we only have so much) on dead end relationships, you will find good ones. It happened to me. There's nothing to do but keep on keeping on, steer clear of situations or people who upset you, which can be hard when you're living together, but is doable. I did a lot of meditation, walking, running, anything free to focus me. And one day, it will be all better. I'm in my 30's and I am strong, I've endured, but I went from narc to narc until a few years back when I made some changes and now, finally, I'm free.