I just wish I had someone to love and spend time with but unfortunately it's impossible.
No it isn't. I read these hopeless comments you made and wondered what gets a person to that place? So I took a quick look at your post history.
You say you groom and dress nicely, and you don't seem dumb so you really have everything you need. You mentioned getting ignored on OKC. I met my ex on OKC and we're still living together while I find a decent place. We fired up our accounts and she gets hundreds of views and messages a day. No way she could possibly sort through them all. Don't take that as a personal reflection on you, that's just how online dating goes.
You grew up in a toxic environment? Makes sense, man. Looks like you get toxic with people at times. Best thing you can do about that is put your past to bed and learn to approach people with objectivity. I know a thing or two about growing up in a bad way. Willing to take that to PM with just about anyone that thinks they had it worse.
Video games. Man, I love them. PCMR to my bones. Got two rigs here now and I've been building my own for gaming for a decade. I can count on one hand the number of people in my daily life that I discuss gaming with. People just don't care and it makes you one dimensional if that's all you do. I taught myself to play guitar, fingerstyle actually, not strumming out Wonderwall. I have a huge telescope that I used to learn about amateur astronomy, I have a sports car that I work on and drive like a maniac on any curvy back road I can find. I spent a couple of years volunteering under a herpetologist to learn all I could about exotic reptiles. I'm passionate about craft beer and I'll drive hundreds of miles to get something good. I'm an accomplished carpenter and metal worker, what I did before my 17 years in the medical field, ten of those in level one trauma surgery.
The point is, chase what makes you happy, and find as many of those things as you can. They all add dimensions to you as a person. Maybe you're destined to become a counselor or social worker since I saw you commented that they don't really care? I bet you would though. How much good would you be able to do with your understanding of how people in your position are feeling? How inspiring to them would it be that you overcame it?
Look, I'm abrasive. I know that, but it does come from a place of love. My brother tried to kill himself a couple times and I've been helping him deal with our childhood. We were made to feel small, and worthless, and as a result of the mental place that put us in we were often bullied by other kids. At some point you have to realize that you're worthwhile. I went full tilt in the other direction and used it as the fuel to become very successful. He didn't.
Make yourself happy and the women will want to be a part of that. Like TizzyTonks said, if you ever need someone to talk to just PM me. I'll even give you my number. Sometimes it's better to hear a voice.
