I cant say for sure, but I'm almost certain your problem is because you find your identity in "anxious" or "defensive" or "depression". You have created an identity for yourself out of these negative feelings...

Bare with me here, but on a subconscious level you think that literally are those feelings. So when you go into social situations and you are confronted with this false identity that you've made for yourself, you get anxious, agitated, awkward or defensive, in a visceral attempt to escape that truly painful existence you're stuck in.

The key to breaking this identification is to understand is that you are not your thoughts, and you're not your feelings. They are not who you are. But you are so hypnotized by that voice inside your head that says frightening, terrible, negative things when youre around people that you dont realize you are separate from it.

If you want to be free of its control, you need to start watching yourself think. It will take some practice, but when you watch yourself think you will begin to realize that you are not the negative thought or feeling; you are the one who is aware of it. Once you begin to recognize that you are that awareness and not your thoughts and feelings, you can separate yourself from them. The act of maintaining objective awareness of your thoughts and feelings is always better than losing yourself in them. No solution can possibly exist while you're lost in the energy of a problem.

The "awareness" of your thoughts and feelings that will save you is your consciousness. Once you take the seat of consciousness within yourself, I think you will be surprised how things change for you.