Ah man. I feel sorry for her a bit. She sounds semi-crazy; like, someone who has so many fleas she still has no idea of who to trust anymore...

I used to be a bit like that and I'm still fighting it. My mum was the family ringleader; my dad was lazy as fuck. They argued non stop about this and my goal in life was never to end up in a similar relationship.

To the point where any signs of 'slacking' on my (ex)partners' parts, I would turn Amy Dunne; I would feel tricked. I would fee livid that they'd put me in the position of my mum (I can't stand my mum so that compounded the resentment). Of course, obliging someone to be nice just feels hollow - and you're self aware enough to know you're being humoured and that makes you mad. Maybe you test: with all your willpower, you resist criticising or arguing; you wait for them to put in 'effort' of their own accord. They don't (either because they've checked out or just don't feel like it). You get mad. One final argument and someone gets dumped. You feel relieved. The next guy is different. Until he isn't.

I'm not a narcissist by the way (pretty sure. I check regularly) but growing up around it means your template for a 'happy relationship' is monumentally fucked.

This all happened with the last guy. He wasn't a saint either - can definitely be a bit of a dick - but I have more self-confidence now and ironically that makes it easier not to read into things or take it personally. I can wait and see how things pan out because I know there is no risk anymore of me being trapped emotionally in a bad relationship; that freedom to walk away is amazingly calming and stops me trying to micromanage an existing situation.

The gift thing... I get what she means. If it's something you've talked about, it's nice to be involved in some aspects even if it's just choosing the colour or agreeing to a recommendation. But I know some people that like total surprises so that's very much a case by case thing.

Sometimes people being nice makes us uncomfortable; it's very unfamiliar. I have definitely mistaken it for manipulation in the past.

Sorry, this isn't an apology for your ex. Just trying to give you a bit of an explanation for why 'she cray'. If you encounter it again (possible. We tend to be drawn to the familiar), it might help to anticipate that emotional events can easily simmer over into arguments (sorry) and a cooling off period can work wonders.