You are a good person and you are not "complaining," you are concerned. And you should be. What you have witnessed your mother do is not OK, it is very wrong. I am not going to judge her, but it sounds like she is sick, and she needs some help. I was also abused by my mother when I was a child (and yes, I still love her, sometimes that is how it works) and now at 35 I am still cleaning up that mess and learning how to love myself. You also should love yourself, or at least have compassion for yourself.

I have been thinking about you and your post all day. I don't want to offer you too much advice, but if you do not think you can talk to anybody at your church (that might be a bad idea) then maybe my idea to talk to a librarian is good. Your mother should let you go to the library, right? If you are homeschooled, say you need to go there to get some good books. The library is a safe place where you can talk to a trusted adult (libraries are good people) and express your concerns about what you have seen, and get some help for yourself. A library is a good, quiet place to think.

I do hope that you say something. But ultimately, that is up to you. Please be kind to yourself, and take care of yourself. I am sorry for what you have gone through, and I sincerely wish you the best.