First of all, big hugs. Okay. I understand the jealousy. I'm almost 3 years into my relationship and I still get jealous. I cried on my stepsons birthday (when I was alone) because I was so jealous. It gets better. There will probably always be tinged of jealousy, but you can always focus on improving yourself and your relationship. Be the best you that you can be. It makes it so much easier. I used to fear that my SO would leave me too. Talking about my insecurities with him helped alleviate that (over much time), especially because I was focused on being my best self. When I am my best self, the idea of my SO leaving me for BM is laughable. I know that if he left me for her, it's because something is wrong with HIM, not me. I'm amazing! I am compassionate, beautiful, intelligent, and I have a killer work ethic. BM can't hold a candle up to that. (Holding this mindset sometimes means being really cocky but it makes me feel better so whatever). I especially feel like this "bond" is something that your SO only holds with BM if he chooses to nurture it. Like yeah, if they are constantly talking about how amazing it is that they brought a child into the world (not that amazing really) and reminiscing on the birth of their child, then sure they have a bond. But that's not what's happening.

Also I so feel ya on being a child yourself. I'm turning 22 next month. It's hard. Read a couple step parenting books and encourage your partner to look for resources on raising a child in split homes. It is very difficult to feel reassured in your relationship when BM is constantly overstepping boundaries. Talk with your partner about setting boundaries in place. He can't control how she acts, but he controls how he responds. He can make the decision that he will only answer the phone between certain reasonable hours. He does not need to respond to her text messages. He can end a phone conversation if it is not something important pertaining to their son.

As for dictating the schedule, I think the son is soon going to be old enough to have more evenly split time between parents. He likely isn't breast feeding anymore, so he doesn't need to be attached to mama's hip. Your SO needs to decide how much he is willing to fight for his rights. Your SO needs to figure out what's more important, bending over backwards to placate BM, or keeping a healthy relationship with you. He can't have both.

If you have any questions or just want to complain then feel free to inbox me :) good luck chica xox