I'm pretty terrible at self disclosure but I'm really good at shooting the shit with whomever is around. I'm received pretty well and I think there's a couple reasons for that.
One thing that matters a lot is having a personal style. This seriously sets the baseline for how people receive you before you speak. If I'm at work or school I'm put together. I don't think it matters what style you have, just that you do it deliberately and it's polished. People are so boring and nobody tries really. People love when someone has an actual personality and tries. I get compliments on my clothes, I compliment men and women on theirs. It doesnt matter if you're my male boss or the stranger next to me in class or my bitchy coworker who hates me. If you're wearing a real nice sweater, I'm going to tell you. And it doesn't matter how you feel about me, you'll appreciate the compliment because it is a nice sweater. It took me until like 27yrs old, but mastering how to be warm to men/women authentically pays off. Before I was perceived as standoff ish and cold.
I always see tips on how to make small talk and the example of questions they give are the worst. "What did you enjoy most about the ending of the movie?". That’s got summer job icebreaker energy written all over it. Nobody wants that. Observation then question. That's how I succeed at small talk/casual convos and rapport building. It's all lateral thinking, pivoting around.
Maybe a big group of coworkers I dont know well are all going to see a movie. I'm going to turn to you and say that that's the first movie I see in years, I can't with how loud they are. I'm going to have to get those earmuffs they put on babies at concerts. That action scene was insane though wasn't it? Now, you can answer whatever you want. Tell me that you're a movie buff who loves going to see movies in theater. Agree about the noise or don't. Tell me how you felt about the action scene or don't. Tell me a scene you liked more.
Maybe you say you love loud music and concerts. I'll tell you that my dream is to experience a sensory deprivation tank. Have you ever been in one of those? One of my favourite things to do is get stoned and take a bath in the dark with my earphones. A wild Saturday night. But that last scene at the end was pretty epic, almost worth it for the noise.
Maybe a sensory deprivation tank sounds hellish to you and we start talking about they have a sound proofed room that's the quietest in the world and the record someone managed inside is only 40 minutes. I think I can beat it. Maybe you say the first movie of the series had an even better ending scene but you're guessing I haven't seen it. Ahaha you're right. I like TV better. Let's talk about TV. And on and on and on.
I also talk to everyone the same. I don't shit talk anyone at work. Maybe Im more refined in one setting and I'm more outgoing in another but I'm no social chameleon. People are so bored at work. I'm so bored at work. If there's something happening in your environment comment on it. Ask the person next to you if they've ever seen anyone go into that cafe across the street, cause you haven't. Then when one day, when they do they're definitely going to come over and tell you. That'll be your little thing.