The next major problem with GPS usage is that it is emasculating, and not just politically with its endless entreaties to “turn left.” Married friends of mine report that navigation system usage is just another way for their wives to symbolically kick them in the groin. If the husband expresses any confusion about how to reach their destination, the woman will slyly say, “Shall I get out the GPS?”

This question actually means: “I believe your brother has a bigger penis than you and could better provide for our young during the long winter, and I’m going to leave you because you’re bad at finding things.” To the husband, this wife code is almost on a par with being cuckolded. Indeed, some men would rather watch their wives get banged by Mandingo than be reduced to asking a TomTom for help.

Many GPS systems also track speed, which results in wives chiding their husbands for even moderate violations of the speed limit. Previously, men were protected by the fact that the speedometer might as well display the speed in Chinese numerals for all the chance a woman would have at deciphering it from the passenger seat.

Even without a woman in the car, the GPS assaults our manhood. If we deviate even slightly from the course it chose for us, it starts nagging and whinging – in a calm female voice, of course – imploring us to do U-turns and increasingly bizarre manoeuvres to return to the original course. Now your wife and the computer lady are colluding. It’s like one of those shopping trips where she brings one of her terrible friends along everywhere to just agree with her, and you’re still not allowed to punch either of them.