I met this chick at a cafe and we agreed to go out later that night to this half priced bratwurst and live jazz music night. I came by car but she walked so I offered to give her a lift home. She tried to get me in by telling me she had cute kittens (which she did), but I tried to wriggle out cuz I had this massive fart rumbling around my stomach for about 30 minutes at that point, and I needed to pee cuz of the beerz.

I eventually go in because it's inocuous and within 2 minutes she comes at me like a zombie and we start making out. Within 5 minutes she's naked and we're in her bedroom. This fart is pushing against the walls of my intestines and I gotta pee like a race horse. I ask her where the bathroom is and it's next to the bedroom, like 2 feet from the foot of the bed.

She says, the door doesn't close all the way. At this point I'm thinkin' 'shit I gotta get outta here'. I say I should go several times, but she's not having any of it. I jump into action and go down down on her thinking, if I can get her to cum I'll be able to leave. I really did not want to do it, but she's being super insistent about me staying.

She cums and then I have enough emotional leverage to gtfo. I get in my car and let out the most massive, wettest, bratwurst and amber ale reekinest fart ever. I bask in the glory of my brew and then drive home.

worst first date ever.