I have been battling minor depression my whole life due to verbal and physical abuse as a child, I removed everyone that was a negative trigger from my life. Told them exactly why I had to stop seeing them. It did help me a little but my self esteem is still in the shitter, I just fake it and try to try do something to keep going forward. Most days I just say "what's the point" or I self sabotage because it is easier to fail by my own accord than to try and fail. Like I have a safity mechanism.

I am in the last year of university and for most people in my class it has been a good ride but I had to battle every inch of myself to try for real. I am not getting the best grades but I try so that is a win for me. If I am really feeling down and don't want to try due to fear or self sabotaging I usually go with "hey you know what, I will just study for "fun". That way I fool myself into thinking the risks of failing has been nullified because it's all for shuts and giggles.

Take everyday slowly, don't think of what is expected of you, because people are different and have different perquisites or support. You do what your limit is. If it's just taking a walk listening to an audiology everyday or every other day, it still benefits your health and you will feel like you are accomplishing something, baby steps it's the way to go. I never thought I would let myself live to 25 without taking my own life, I am happy I didn't, in the end you must try to find your own way of controlling your body and mind, by any tricks you can think off.

Sorry I rambled a little too much but I can identify with this feeling of abnormality when compared to others, in the end I am happy my emotional range is much wider because you can be in touch with yourself if you channel it into something positive. Most people I met are boring carbon copies of other people, don't try to be like them.