I heard everything over text and email for almost a year before we even met. I understand this, but you have to understand that he's not giving you his full emotional spectrum on how he feels about his marriage and wife. It's not about YOU, it's about him. Be there for him. If he's happy, be happy for him. If he's distraught, comfort.

If you're only doing this thing with him for yourself, it's just using a human being for the rewards. If you care about his being as much as yours, you'll never need to beat her down to prop yourself up because beating her beats him. She will ALWAYS be a part of him, divorce or not. Like my ex husband of 18 years and his stbx of 30 years. They live in our memories and a new partner, like you, doesn't erase that. In truth, that person made the man you love, in bad ways and good. If not for the troubles we've had, who would we be?