Wow! What a thoughtful and helpful response. You have a lot of wisdom. This DB thing is really a symptom of something bigger.

We both come from very tight families where divorce is not an option. You just grunt through it. Besides that I am the breadwinner as she earns very little. We have also done a great job building a life in our community. Breaking up would have ramifications there as well. Lastly each is would rather suffer so the kids have stability.

Funny thing is we have never discussed splitting or even our problems. Things are so tense that that discussion wouldn't last without a referee. But when I'm home (I travel a lot) I sleep in one of our guest bedrooms or in the media room about half of the time. We don't wear our wedding rings either. But we do talk and engage each other but we also fight a lot.

Somehow I would love to see us make this work but it seems impossible. Is the first step best for me to see a therapist alone or go straight into marriage counseling or something else? Thank you all so much for the input.