I know how you feel. My nex was an alcoholic but it looked like stepped up her drinking a lot and she looked almost unrecognizable last time I saw her. I went crazy trying to figure out what happened and if I had caused it. I even started to think I was wrong about everything and that she wasn’t NPD and had been drinking because of me. I had the same thought process as you and thought that if she was NPD then she would be way too self-conscious about her looks to let herself go like that. I felt so bad for her and it set off a bunch of other feelings and I ended up getting obsessed with her again.

Then I heard someone else tell me that the same thing happened to them with a nex. I dunno what it is but it seems like there are some sources of supply that cause the narc to self-destruct after the discard. I have no idea why that is but I wanted you to know that you’re not alone in dealing with that. Maybe there are some people that they secretly really like but they block it out and it destroys them? Or something, I dunno, probably best not to think about it.

As for the NC. I find it functions like a drug addiction. Seeing them or talking to them is like a relapse. I would say just forgive yourself and go back to NC. Maybe it will hurt for a while, but if you felt better once, then you know you can feel better again. Just give it time, you’ll feel better again after a while.