Hi! It sounds like you need more of a career counselor than relationship advice. I'm not sure which field your PhD is in, but can kind of relate to your situation. I got half-way through a PhD program before I figured out that the career choices in my chosen field sucked. It occurred to me that I had about as much chance of getting a tenure track position as I had of hitting the Powerball, and some of the reasons I wanted to go into academia turned out to be incorrect assumptions on my part (such as thinking I'd escape "office politics" by being in academia), and to top it all off I found out I hated teaching undergrads.

I'm not saying you should shy away from an academic position, if that's your goal, just that I know it's not easy. You might find happiness in something you didn't expect, hopefully your field opens up some possibilities that others wouldn't because you're in the sciences. I really don't think it's unusual for a grad student to have feelings like you do, I'd say most of the people I met in PhD programs had these feelings to one degree or another. And, finishing your PhD program and not knowing where you're going next leaves you with some feelings of uncertainty which obviously have an impact on you as well.

Another idea for you would be to see if you could connect with some people who got their PhD from your program a few years ago, to talk to them about where they've gone and what they've done with their careers. Perhaps you could find inspiration there. Talk to your advisor and see if he/she could connect you with some people. Networking like that can also be a good way to find jobs.

I hope some of this will help. It does sound like you've developed somewhat of a depression as well, and you probably should try to get help with treating that. Just realize that finishing a PhD program and going out into the "real world" is a significant life change and it's not unusual for someone to experience difficulty when faced with such a dramatic upheaval in their life. I really hope that if you can focus on your own issues (career, depression, etc....) that your relationship with your boyfriend will improve as well. Good luck!