3. Pole Dancing Expectation vs. Reality

Pole Dancing Expectation vs. Reality

                     KEVIN
       This is Hi-C.

                     GRANT
            (sarcastic)
       It is, Kevin! Because remember that time my
       life went to fuck and I joined AA? Because
       of the alcoholism?

                     KEVIN
       You kinda seem drunk though.

                     GRANT
       Hey thanks man! It's my drunk douchebag bit.
       Improv group booted me. Life's a stage until
       they can accept the fact that they're nothing
       without me.

                     KEVIN
       Yes but your improv group is your AA group. If
       they find you convincing they'll be doing less
       soul searching and more interventioning.

                     GRANT
       And that's why we'll never let you in the
       improv group, Kevin: it's "Yes and..." That
       and you're just not naturally funny. And
       perhaps most important of all you don't have
       a single substance abuse issue. Can you even
       call yourself a creative?! You tick none of
       the boxes.

                     KEVIN
       I've got yoga instead of a substance abuse
       issue. I mean, yoga gives me the peace I need
       so I don't have to abuse substances.

                     GRANT
       Kevin, what do people do before they run?

                     KEVIN
       I don't know. Stretch out I guess. Is that
       what you're looking for?

                     GRANT
       Yes! They stretch out!  AND THEN THEY RUN!
       When are you going to stop stretching out
       and actually start running?! That's your life
       man! You getting the analogy?! Make sense?!


                     KEVIN
      No.

                     GRANT
       No?  Then how about: yoga's for girls
       and old people. And girls and old
       people aren't funny. Well old people are
       sometimes funny if they eat it. Yes and
       yoga increases their flexibility and
       agility. Yes and you're actually comedically
       NET NEGATIVE by teaching old people yoga.
       Yes and you're removing comedy from the
       universe by teaching old people yoga like a
       comedy black hole! Yes and art is not peace,
       it's war, like that book I loaned you says.
       Yes and I'm sure you didn't read it because
       you were too swamped achieving peace while
       stretching out in preparation to not run.
       Yes and robbing this pain-filled world of the
       only relief it has, eg. laughter when and old
       person eats it.  See what I'm doing here--?

                     KEVIN
       I hope so. You're back to the drunk douche bag
       bit?

                     GRANT
              (not paying attention to Kevin anymore)
       --now step the fuck off so I can get back to my
       bit. I'm not going to win back hearts and minds
       with a black hole sucking all the comedy out of
       me. Christ I could use some liquid inspiration.
       You really know how to kill a bit.
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