I just finally quit. All churches. I left the Catholic Church after my first child was baptised. I felt like baptism was important and I was a horrible person for not getting it done until she was 7 months old waiting for family to travel.

Then a good friend is a Baptist minister and she made me question why God would send unbaptised babies to hell (they don't baptise babies). I agreed with that so we started going there as I was in the death throws of literally giving up all faith.

We went for awhile. I helped in the youth program. We did the bible classes. And I realized that it was the same thing as being Catholic. A bunch of people trying to compete to be the best. The most helpful. The most noticed. The most singing in the mass. Look how ever good we are. I wanted to help teenagers because I'm a teacher and that's the age group I work with. I didn't do it to be super good, I did it because I liked kids. When I realized it was all just a holy pissing contest, I just stopped going everywhere.

I now have another kid (unbaptised) and I still feel a terrible sense of guilt about not getting her baptised. I don't know why I care so much.