Worthiness interviews trained me to lie.

When I was a teen, I dreaded the interviews. I knew masturbation was normal (from secular sources), and my mom even admitted to me that in medical surveys, "98% of people said they do it." Yet, knowing this, I had to submit to someone asking me about that very thing every few months, knowing that if I said yes, it'd become a huge thing where I'd have to divulge personal details about, and repent, for something that was perfectly normal and private.

I sure wasn't going to admit it. That seemed dumb. It wasn't an option to leave church. (I literally think my parents would have disowned me.) So I lied. Every time.

Of course, this wasn't the only time I was lying; I put on a charade every time I went to church. But it was the most uncomfortable time, because it was just me (a teen girl) and an old guy, always a family friend, in a room alone. How to sound convincing? Confident, but thoughtful? Would this be the time they would know I was lying? It was always stressful, but I managed to fake it through all my years in Young Womens.

I never felt I had the right to say no. It never occurred to me to say, "This is wrong," because it was such a standard part of Mormon culture and everyone else did it.

And all these years later, I resent my parents for letting it happen to me. Actually, my mom doesn't even believe me. She says she never got those questions, so it must not have happened.

I feel like if this had happened to any of my non-member friends -- an old man asking them if they masturbated in a closed room -- their parents would have done something. Their parents would have protected them from it. That's what parents are for. But my parents approved of it and let it happen. That makes me so sad.