A prostitute I knew fell in love with me. Before you continue reading, you know those kind of stories where everything works out and there's a happy ending? This ain't that kind of story. In 2009 I was having a rough time after my wife and son passed in a car wreck. There was this girl I came into contact with through an agency who looked remarkably close to my wife. When you are constantly using drugs and alcohol to the degree I was it can warp your mind and have you in a fog. Sometimes when I'd use her I'd forget she wasn't my wife and thats why I used her as often as I did. All of those hazy nights and dinners when I'd forget and I won't lie I definitely tried to pretend. Maybe it was because in those moments I did love her and I treated her life my wife, we'd talk and we shared moments. She said she wanted to quit working and for us to get married, maybe I thought that was a good idea at some point while out of my noodle on substances. One day I tried to bum a smoke for a guy standing on the corner and we had a chat. He was standing outside of a church and he invited me inside to hang out. I told him I wasn't religious and he said he wasn't either, just a bunch of people talking and enjoying snacks. I cleaned up a lot after that day, I'll be at that same church today at 6:30. Once I could think clearly again I came to terms with the situation I was in and I had to accept the reality of the things that happened. It was the only way I could heal, I told the girl I didn't want to see her again. I never knew how much she loved me until after that, she couldn't cope with losing me. I was probably the only person who ever made her feel loved, truly loved. I didn't attend the funeral but I've been to her grave stone a couple times. I don't know how many people who suffer addiction are reading this but there is help out there, its free and out of all the things I tried to get sober what helped me the most was talking to other addicts, don't get hung up on the god stuff and just swing by a meeting, only requirement for membership is a desire to get sober.