Yes, there's a second of fear before you engage with someone -- but it's not that much fear.

There never used to be, but after the rape, and a series of bad decisions after, I'm very self conscious about any hint of anything happening. Something shuts it all down, and going to manual override gives me that naturally flowing "Hi, I am a normal human too, would you like to share skins?" charm that's guaranteed to keep everyone at a safe distance.

I pick up on their emotions, and soon everything's gone to Hell.

The only exception is when I meet women online who really, really, enjoy the idea of scaring the crap out of me. (Apparently, in any kink communities, I just give off Little Red Riding Hood vibes.) That turns kinky so fast that I've started fantasizing about sex not happening, and actual just hanging out, holding hands, and cuddles.

Because no matter how often I'm promised love, it's always shallow in the end, and it never lasts.

So..what's normal, if you can't trust your own instincts anymore?