TL;DR: I hit puberty 2 1/2 years after everyone else, I look younger than everyone else and am treated differently by everyone else, have lost friends and experiences because of it, want to talk with people in a similar situation.
My depression, or at least I think that's what it is, was caused by myself looking younger than all of my peers, friends and people generally around my age. Im 16/17.
I have to leave soon so I can't go into detail, but effectively I feel not just sad, but sort of empty, like there is an evil demon or parasite trying to suck the life out of me, and not allowing me to be happy.
Essentially, I look 1-2 years younger than everyone else in my year (16/17 year olds or lower sixth form) because I hit puberty when I was almost 14, compared to everyone else when they were 11/12, and people treat me differently because of it. I miss out on experiences that normal people and teenagers get to experience, like having a "thing" with girls (girls find me "cute" instead of attractive, and find the thought of doing something sexually with me laughable and "adorably funny"), maybe getting beer from a shop because one looks older than they are, having a girlfriend. I miss out on all of these because I look younger than I am. Im treated differently; people look at me and do this "smile" they go "oh hello ___, nice to see you" and do a weird condescending smile, as if Im less intelligent or have something wrong with me, in a kind of way that implies "aww you're so cute, you're really nice and adorable" but it fucks with me. I feel shit, and insecure every time someone does it.
And on top of that, I've noticed my friends dissappearing. I thought that I had over 20 good friends, but I've noticed that all of these "good" friends have been fucking off, entire social groups that I've spent years with going to parties without me, people that Im supposed to be friends with leaving me to hang out with other people they've known for a matter of weeks. This is the main thing that has triggered this episode of sadness and pain; I've felt particularly shit after seeing pictures on facebook of all of my friends at a party of another one of my friends that I wasn't invited to.
It's killing me. I feel like there is an entity sapping the life out of me, and making me in capable of feeling happiness.
Im also aware that this is a massive pussy sob story and that most of you probably don't care, additionally I have no right to be sad because Im in an upper middle class family in one of the best areas of England, and I full well know that 95% of the people on this sub have much more of a reason to be depressed and sad compared with my stupid sob story.
Anyway I came here wondering if anyone has any advice for me (and not any of the soppy bullshit about "well you're a lovely person and that's all that matters") or words from people who've been in a situation similar to me, and how they are coping/not coping/dealt with it. Anything, literally anything would be a huge comfort to me.