From your edit, you answered to some that asked “why did you push him off or ran away…”, well its completely natural to not run away or struggle - you were confused and had fear. You’re not dumb, you’re strong. Whatever happened has already happened. This moment doesn’t define you or your future. You’re strong and brave for being able to even post this. I hope you get any help when necessary. There might be moments (that may last just a minute, or go on for weeks) where you feel down due to this, and in those moments remember this - you’re not alone, this doesn’t define your life, and help exists. Seeing how you asked here, I believe you’ll be brave enough to ask for further help (maybe even from a professional if required).

Also, if you (or anyone reading this) ever feel down and need someone to talk to, my inbox is open. I wont ask any questions or judge you, I’ll listen and talk to you in an attempt to make you feel better.

And if any of you reading this are monsters hurting innocent people, karma comes back around.