I have terrible anxiety and am terribly self conscious. This often leads to insomnia or "depression." I am 18 just starting college with no job and hate the idea of being around and working under someone elses success. My life is extremely boring and lonely with one good friend that I feel like is fading away. I live with my grandma and laid off dad, which I hate this position considering I have and independent and strong entrepreneur type drive. Sometimes I sit in my car and listen to music for half an hour outside the house when I come back from "going out" idk why. I am pretty healthy and force myself to go to the gym which does really nothing for anxiety. i "developed" motor "disorders" that no one knows about like neck twitches and weird mouth lagging feeling when in public, especially and mostly in college...like my mouth is dysfunctional when I talk. I've done a good job of hiding it in college which makes me feel like I'd rather die. Idk what is causing what anymore. But it disappears when I shut my mind off and have confidence. Some kid looked at me in class and straight up told me I was fucked up in the head when he saw how my mouth functioned while talking. My life basically consists of nothing besides the internet. I know the feeling of being sick and tired and I'm tired of half of the self help bullshit on the Internet besides reddit. Somehow I am feeling decent lately and doing progressively better. Please don't even ponder or think of suicide in your mind, keep grinding. Eventually, I found that I get so fucking sick of wearing the veil that you talk about and am so damn exhausted with this shit that instead of thinking of suicide, i took that shitty ass feeling of anger and exhaustion and somehow used it as motivation. Just do man. Whether that's watching a tv series or building a startup project..do something. I respect you and as i was watching your video, i had no negative view of you at all. You are a good looking guy with a hidden good personality.