My situation is exactly the same as yours. Have been together 8 years and it is literally the only thing that has ever made me consider leaving him - although it has made me consider it too many times to count.

I get the exact same vibe when I'm trying to get him to chill as well, like everyone thinks I'm some nagging wife when that really isn't who I am at all. Additionally, he takes it AWFULLY if I ask him to slow down, not in a way where he will be rude or anything but more in quite a sooky way where he will go all quiet and stop talking and the rest of our day/evening/event is entirely ruined, unless I want to just pretend he doesn't exist and I'm a single person there alone.

It's also shitty because we have something to go with new friends tomorrow so I want to prep him in advance to not drink too much and humiliate both myself and himself (he quickly escalates into absolute nonsense talk, not drunk silly talk but like nonsensical sentences and not being able to keep up with any conversations so people just ignore him the way they would with a toddler, before moving on to the next step which is just becoming unconscious wherever we are), but it is such an awful conversation to have every time that I always chicken out and hope for the best which ends either of the two scenarios I've just described.

Wah.

I have no advice and now I've worked myself up. Haha.