27, gonna turn 28 in a little over a month.

About two weeks ago, I got off work at around midnight, went to the liquor store and got two tall cans of PBR. Watched TV with one of my roommates. He went to bed, and I stayed up perusing reddit and sort of watching TV. My other two roommates come home obliterated drunk about an hour or so later. They go to the garage to do whatever, I polish off my first tall boy and open the second.

One of my roommates comes out of the garage, picks up the beer I just opened and asks, "Where'd you get this?" I tell him I got it at the liquor store a couple hours ago. He crushes it, chucks it against the wall and yells, "Clean that up!"

"Hey man, what's your fucking problem?"

"You took my beer out of the fridge and you're drinking it right in front of me!"

We jaw back and forth for a while; me telling him I bought that beer, him telling me I stole it from him. Eventually he says, "You wanna fight about it?"

"No, dude, it ain't worth fighting over, that's stupid. I want you to apologize."

He lunges at me and takes a swing. I wrap him up, give him a quick uppercut to the nose, he starts bleeding all over. He slips from under my armpit, gets on my back. I fall back, slamming him in the wall. He tries to get me in a chokehold, but his arm's around my nose, so I easily slip out, get on top of him and get his neck in the crook of my elbow. At this point, he's bleeding all over the floor, gagging from me choking him out. Our roommate he was out with all night pulls me off of him.

I get up to clean off the blood and tell him one more time I didn't steal a damn thing.

The two of them go outside to the patio, I sit back down on the couch thinking about how dumb that whole thing was. I'm engrossed in my phone when I hear stomping.

I look up and there's ol' boy again ready for round two. As soon as I glance up, he sucker punches me, pulls me to the ground, gets on my back, his thighs beneath my armpits, and starts raining punches on the back of my head. I get myself in as good of a guard as I can manage. I try to buck him, but I don't have the leverage. At one point, one of the punches really hurts, but they keep coming. He hit me a good dozen, dozen and a half times before the other roommate pulled him off of me.

I've got one hell of a shiner, a full out plum on my right eye with a cut that won't stop bleeding. He's trying to play it off as good fun, but I ain't buying it. I eventually go to bed with a paper towel under my head to soak up the blood.

I go to work the next day (I'm the assistant manager at a gas station). I can't afford not to though that eye wasn't looking any better. I just put some gauze over it to absorb the bleeding. I tell customers the story when they ask; many of them offer to beat the shit out of the guy. Eventually, one customer comes in and says, "Hey, I'm a nurse, what happened?" I tell her the story then ask her to take a look at my eye. I lift up the gauze and she says, "you need to go to a doctor immediately."

I wait until the next morning because I can't follow sound medical advice. I go to the urgent care center. When the attending doctor gets a look at me, he's visibly shaken. I just assume he hates his job. He asks me if I can see out of that eye.

"Yeah, but the angle's a little off."

He puts his head in his hand and tells me, "you need to go to the emergency room right now. Don't go to the hospital downtown, the wait times are too long; go to the one in the suburbs. Get a CT scan and an ophthalmologist right away."

I get there, get my CT scan after about an hour. A couple hours later, they pull me into the hospital proper. The attending physician needs to see me.

"Your lower right eye socket is shattered. You have bone splinters in the muscles that control that eye. We're going to need to put you in surgery to insert a titanium plate and remove those splinters. You're damn lucky you came in when you did. Any later and scar tissue would've formed over your eye and you would've permanently lost sight in it."

I get the surgery, stay overnight. The doctors have all been encouraging me to call the Sheriffs. At very least, it's the only way to ensure I can get him to pay for my medical bills.

I call the Sheriffs, and the deputy is listening to my story. "Wait, that's a felony. Where are you now?" I meet up with her, complete my report. CSI takes pictures of my injuries.

I leave town to stay with my dad in my hometown. My work agrees to "lay me off so I can collect unemployment while I look for work back home. Yesterday morning, my roommate was arrested for felony battery resulting in injury. $50,000. I have made a request for an attorney through the bar association for a personal injury suit against him, hopefully I get an email tomorrow from them.

So that's how my life's going.

Throwaway because my main account is the same name I use all over the internet and I'm technically defrauding the State with the whole unemployment business.