Depression and loneliness, mostly. I look forward to the weekends, but when they finally arrive I realize I don't have anything to do with myself or anybody else and end up doing basically nothing for two days. I feel like I'm wasting the little free time I have. I've tried to get outside and do things, but it's really difficult to find something to do when you don't have any friends to do things with.

My job is alright, which I am thankful for. I just graduated college and didn't have a job for a few months, and basically had some pretty bad anxiety for that time (and in the coming months before graduation too). But now, I just work 40 hours a week, watch netflix/youtube at night, and basically do that on the weekends too. I look forward to doing my grocery shopping because it gives me somewhere to go.

I've also never been in any sort of relationship, so that's an added layer of utter loneliness. I don't see girls my age hardly as often, because I'm not in college anymore and there isn't anybody where I work. I've tried to get into social meet-up things, like meet-up.com, but my anxiety and depression kicks in whenever I think about going to any sort of event in my area.

I downloaded Tinder out of boredom and perhaps out of desperation. I haven't matched with anybody yet, although I am somewhat stingy with my likes. 90% of the girls on there just aren't my type. I definitely swipe right on a good amount, but so far nothing had come of it and I honestly don't know how, or if I would feel comfortable, to proceed from there.

My depression has made it difficult for me to find meaning or passion in my life. I've tried lots of different hobbies in hopes that I might become passionate about one of them, but nothing does it for me anymore. It all seems pointless, or I get bored of it after a short while. I don't get sad or cry about anything, although I wish I could. I just mostly feel numb about everything, which is stupid because I still get anxiety about trivial things. It's like my depression is saying "Fuck you for wanting to be happy. Here, have some anxiety. "