I went 11 years without seeing or hearing from my dad for the same reason- nasty, nasty divorce, mom got custody, pulled a restraining order, prevented me from getting any of his letters, said some really, really nasty shit over the years. Said she was physically abused, raped, implied he was responsible for the death of a family pet, that if I didn’t keep my head down and my online presence anonymous, he might find me...

My childhood in that household is what my therapist categorizes as “truly astounding you turned out as normal as you did”. I found and tentatively messaged my father online at the end of high school with the hope that maybe he would come and find me, and maybe things would be better there at least.

He’s not only NOT a serial killer psycho rapist, he’s way more well adjusted and mature than she is. Loves dogs, would never hurt them. Has a deep respect for his now-wife, goes way out of his way to care for her and the daughter they had together. Was absolutely appalled at the things that had been said, done, and the way I’d been treated in the meantime. He’s now an amazing, supportive presence in my life. I used to cry as a child reading books about happy families because I wanted to be loved like that so badly and I felt like I’d missed that chance. Turns out, it’s never too late. He’s just as happy and fulfilled being a dad to a grown up as he was to a kid.

My mom immediately backpedaled after learning we’d been talking, and said she’d never said any of that, and that she’s totally cool with him being part of my life now. We have a lot of issues to work out, and this is merely the tip of the iceberg.