Seemed great. Good guy. Really sensitive. Seemed to care about people a lot. Big into supporting women rights and stuff, although he hated me with a weird fuckedupness in hindsight. Seemed to match chemistry wise and sexually. Decided after a year to move in together.
Fights started increasing. Frequently I'd be in the couch crying and trying to work through things. Trying to understand. Apologizing constantly. He would be upset, basically raging in hind sight, hell there were times he would literally growl at me. Would suddenly up and leave the house without saying what the hell was going on. Many times now in hindsight, he would get upset when I wasn't catering all my attention on him and was doing my own thing. Definitely a little isolation from friends and family, was quick to label them shitty things and did not try to get along at all with them despite being such a normally social person. He lacked a major appropriateness filter that made him pretty immature even though he was 15 years older than me (yes, red flag I know).
Smoked weed constantly. Always had this job that was basically a sales gig that I don't think be ever worked at. Always complaining about his "partner" which was really his boss but he coulsnt handle being told what to do (red flag again, sigh). Basically supported the whole situation myself. Eventually, we went on vacation out of state for a cruise, had to fly so no weed, and turned out his weed was how he handled not being able to drink. Drank a shit ton on the boat even though he said he wouldn't, barely wanted to spend time with me on that fucking vacation I paid for, racked up a bill of 500+ in bar tab, never saw money for that either. Spent whatever money he brought gambling, which he lost all of it. Had a horrible fight during it where I was upset he didn't want to spend time with me and I left the bar to get some air. Apparently this was fine for him to do but not me. He proceeded to stay out the entire night with some random people while I went back to the room, wondering what the fuck was going on, tried looking for him several times but couldn't find him. Eventually be turns up, and I got the silent treatment, followed by being cussed at and called names, growled at even more than usual, fucking insane now in hindsight holy shit, ended in ME consoling HIM on how he was such a hurt soul and had so many issues, etc etc. Proceeded to get through that shit. Get back home. Had two weeks off between Christmas and New years, spent plenty of time together but even taking a moment to read a book I got accused of not wanting to spend time with him. He turned nasty and would initiate sex in this weird aggressive way. Turned from always respecting my consent and turning me down frequently with sex to getting very upset when I said no to him, even when we had just had sex earlier that day. Sex by this point had actually turned very unsatisfying for me as he always came really quick, I just dirty talked him to get it over faster, he had a longer penis that caused me pain at least once per sex time (bigger is not better) which made me develop some vaginismus because psychologally in hindsight it was fucked up and I was not aroused at all but felt like I had to.
Returned to work day after new year's, a couple days later notice that the bottles on the bar cart that I hadn't touched were much lower. Realized it wasn't a tooth problem smell from him not taking care of his teeth but him drinking and hiding it for the past three weeks apparently. Confronted him, got to watch him fall apart. He lied about stopping while I tried taking care of him. He had kids (surprise there is a fucking reason the mom who was super good and nice to me since she understood what I was going through and provided a lot of details of his past be hadn't told me in the 2 years we were together. Funny how nervous he was when we talked or how he always bashed her and called her crazy for what is now in hindsight good boundaries but because she wasn't doing what he wanted she was the wrong one holy shit just realized that now. Adding another red flag to the menagerie of red flags I super fucking missed). Anyways, he missed his night to watch the kids while their mom worked, he had manipulated me so bad I was trying to hide it and lie about it, realized then and there how fucked up it was and was just straight up with her. Ended up taking him to the hospital a few days later when he took 15 minutes to wake up, had been hicupping literally for hours even in his sleep the night before, didn't know me or my name, got the year wrong, I literally had to drag him out of the bed and down the stairs. Hospital helped. Figured it was withdrawal. He came back the next day. By evening he was bad again. Decided I should take him in again, it was winter so I was putting his coat on (didn't make it there with either his coat or shoes since getting pants and a shirt on was hard enough with someone who is dead weight). Found a bottle in his coat. He hadn't stopped. By this point we were done. I was disgusted. Took him to the hospital but this time I dumped him there and left. I did pick him up the next morning but from that point on I really didn't give a shit. I just ignored him and went through a pretty bad disassociating period (this was in January) where I just kind of held on. I think by this point he was going to AA like 3 times a day, I found a stash once where there was 20 small plastic bottles of Smirnoff, still can't stomach the smell of that shit or crown royal. I had taken a picture of him the first time he went to the hospital so his parents (who are damn near 80), understood what the fuck was happening. They got him to rehab. I had the unfortunate luck of getting laid off from my job, luckily did have some savings and got severance. Had a month alone but couldn't leave since I couldn't afford it. Spent time looking for a job. Found one out of state that was awesome. Moved a month ago, had to deal with living with him after he got back for 3 months but I gritted my teeth and fucking made it through. I just ignored him the whole time, I didn't give a fuck. I acted nice at the end so he wouldn't trash the house after I left and fuck up the lease. He fucked up anyway and said he would get a new roommate to sign a new lease but surprise surprise couldnt find anyone so had to move out but it was too soon to the end for a full 30 days so currently just waiting to hear what if anything I get back on my deposit, of course I put down the entire deposit for that place. So much goddamn money lost on him. I thought I was good managing money before, I'm a hell of a lot better now I guess.
So yeah. Shit happened. I now live several states away. Awesome new job. Making new friends. Got a cool haircut a bit ago. So few fucks to give and currently looking for a therapist. Luckily had a good rebound with a trusted friend of mine which helped me reconnect with how I really want to have sex so that's better. Gained some new triggers with men growling especially during porn just instantly kills it for me and just generally my trust in guys in general. At least I'm Bi so I can always turn to women in a way. Sigh.