I've been attempting to get myself in the mindset of meditation for, quite frankly, years now with no success - it just seems there's so much conflicting information and I simply don't have a strong beginning reference point to continue to allow myself to make a habit of it. I've suffered with ADHD and depression my entire life, depression largely due to family issues throughout my childhood culminating in the unfortunate passing of my father in a construction accident in 2012. Due to this, I received a settlement that turned my family against me when I had to be the responsible one and determine the best financial routes to take the accounts and take care of those who needed it most. My mother ultimately ended up developing uteran, spinal, and lung cancer - right after my uncle passed away from stage 4 lung cancer as well. She has since had uteran completely resolved, and had the lung and spinal receed but there is a large chance of the lung returning, at the very least. I've been able to coupe with a lot of this happening in the span of the last four years, ultimately letting my college education fall away into the same darkness that has overtaken my entire life - simply due to being a slave to my own thoughts and depression. I need some kind of help, some kind of motivation and sense that people want me to get better (as selfish as that may sound, and maybe that there is exactly why I need to delve further into meditation). I just need a way to control my thoughts, or accept them, and I have yet to see a real strong foundation in the sea of contradicting information on here - and with my depression, that just makes me give up more-or-less.

I'm sure others here need it more or will put it to better use, so feel absolutely no guilt if you want to give it to someone else - I just wanted to post my story in the off chance that I could get a copy.

Thank you for doing this.