Because I have been looking for work for the last 8 months and the last interview that I was a girl because my first name, you think they would know when they call you to setup the interview.... sigh, I have school debt I am not allowed to go on repayment assistance for, I have no money coming in, I am about to be homeless in a month and 9 days, they want 440$ a month from a guy who brings in 0$ atm. I want to try to get a future, but in Canada, there is legitimately no future. I am being forced into the bottom of the barrel and feel like suicide is my best option, the only thing I want to know is if my student loan will be sent to my parents or something. There is no future for me, and I have tried extensively to create opportunity for myself, but there is no opportunity for me. I wish for something better in life and am willing to work for it, I have never had a criminal record, I am bondable, I worked with postal mail, credit cards, etc, but idk what it is that makes companies avoid me.
I want a future, I want to work hard for it, there is no path, no doorways available for me to walk through.
I am not even allowed to speak to Service Canada, or OSAP about my student loans, I have to wait for a callback from their legal department for them to tell me they will have someone else call me.
I am 25 and want a future and it seems like the universe is working to make that impossible.
I am 25, I have never had real opportunity offered to me, I have no license because my dad cared more about my step-sisters, and my mother was too busy trying to afford to survive herself and feed me. No one taught me basic financial education, no one pushed me to get to where I should be, I have tried to push myself but never had the money to do anything, I am about to do my taxes and get nothing, I have never had sexual relations with anyone, I am terrified of even looking at women in my gym, I am a pretty fit guy and have worked out the last 10 years, but I know there is no point of me talking to women because I literally have no future to offer them. I wish I was dead just as much as I wish I had a good life, a family, something to strive for, I have put tons of energy into trying to have a good life and nothing has worked out, and I have avoided putting much energy into trying to die, but it feels like the world is telling me to let go, that there is no point in trying and that there will never be a life for me.
If I could, I would take This course, but I already explained the OSAP thing, and it's considered part time schooling so it's not covered by OSAP.
I was supposed to take a different path, was accepted to mohawk for medical lab assistant but instead was lied to by a guy who worked for Niagara College who told me to take a pre-health college pathway that was worth less than my academic (university) path high school science grades. I didn't even get the certificate because it was not what I wanted or expected.
I have been born and raised in Canada, and will tell anyone, if you know anyone who has had a good life in Canada, they are either well connected, or their parents actually pushed them to become something.
I am mean, broken, sad, scared, alone, tired. I have gone to the conclusion that life legitimately makes no sense, monsters prosper, the innocent are used, there is no logic.