Tl;dr: I've been a crazy ex

I've always had anxiety issues and attachment disorders. Didn't realize how much.

I generally avoid people who can be nasty to me. So when I found a really sweet pleasant placid guy, we both got very attached. We had a few misunderstandings but I thought we sorted them out.

Neither of us had been so intensely attached to anyone, so when things went wrong, they crashed and burned. Crazy sex, crazy adoration, crazy arguments, and crazy making up. I knew I could rage, but it was always more a show of strength, but here I couldn't control how intensely angry I got. He was totally not used to being yelled at. So he first shut down. That made me even more intense at him. Finally he would be provoked enough to say the most hurtful things. He had never had opportunities to be in a rage so he had never learnt to handle it or let it out in small doses. That would rile me up even more.... You get the picture. Eventually we would cry and apologize and make up. But this was unsustainable.

I moved away for a new job. That's when shit hit the fan. We'd parted on uncertain terms. I couldn't handle the uncertainty and thought of things a lot. And I had much to be unhappy about, so there was a lot of rage in me. Ideally I should have let it go and avoided him and cooled off, but I would take out my rage intermittently on him over text and email and phone calls.

It was a lot for him to handle. I scarred him mentally pretty badly. He was no less and said a lot of nasty things.

I indulged in the worst sorts of manipulative and attention seeking behaviors. I couldn't stop thinking of the past and cringing and then getting angry about how his behavior and blowing hot and cold had led me to it and that would result in a fresh bout of everything.

I grew jealous of every girl he spoke to. I began accusing him of trying to do it on purpose just to get to me.....

And that's when I realized I didn't recognize me anymore. I blocked all contact with him and old friends, found a new group of people, and sought help.

I realized not all of it was my fault, and I wouldn't have been this crazy if he had been just a tad more patient with me while also being firm about boundaries, like regular people. But then I can't hold someone else accountable for my actions.

I finally began dating someone else who was a lot less ambiguous about where I stood with him, and regained my confidence.

We began speaking again and had a few spats but eventually cooled off. Then two years later we had an honest conversation about what happened. He had no idea he was hurting me, all he knew was I was saying things that were daggers to his heart and not giving him even a moment of respite and accusing him of way too many wrongdoings. And the only way he knew to respond was lashing out.

That was news to me because all this while that's what it felt like he was doing to me.

We apologized to each other and decided we'll never date.

I know being in rocky relationships triggers my anxiety like nobody's business. I take care to stay out of such friendships and relationships. I'm upfront about my issues with anyone I date now, and I've had a few healthy relationships since and realized I'm not a broken person and actually quite a dear when loved and cared for.