I agree with you - it is a huge crux of ED, and I think it's the crux of any disordered behavior. At all of our cores, we want to be loved and accepted, and we all use different means to achieve that end - some healthy, some not. I think attachment issues can be huge when it comes to ED, as well, and of course there's the social learning piece - we do what our environment teaches us; I grew up with a mother who yo-yo dieted for my entire life, even up to the present.

You should not have to justify your consumption of "bad" food to anyone. I bought some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies yesterday. Why? Because I wanted them, and I've learned through this process of working with my dietician that my body understands its needs more than my mind, and I have to trust it. Such a foreign concept to people, sadly, and when I say that on reddit, people get up in arms. So don't feel the need to justify. Your body wanted chocolate donuts. End of story. And guess what? You are absolutely 100% free to have them!

It is so worth it. Recovery is such an amazing process. It's scary, and it's hard, but the place you come to at the end of it is like nothing else. Maybe you feel this way - I feel like through advertising and the poorly informed medical community, I was brainwashed into believing that dieting HAD to be my way of life if I was going to be healthy. Now, it's like I've stepped out of the brainwashing, and I'm trying to save others from it with logic, reason, and science backing me up. And it's a friggin beast. My own mother has watched my recovery and to this day tells me about how she's trying to lose weight because of x y and z. It drives me mad.

In terms of reddit, I don't post a ton about my recovery, just because there are so many god damn trolls here who want to be assholes, and I don't need that negativity in my life. I actually don't really use any internet supports for that exact reason. But I always invite people who are dealing with ED or are in recovery to PM me any time they need/want to, or if they just want to have a good discussion. I wish reddit had more supportive corners, but I haven't found them yet, sadly. And if you piss one person off, they creep your comment history and try to needle you one way or another. It's truly sad.