I posted this before, just edited it for this thread, but One of my best friends in college committed suicide. He had loads of issues stemming from childhood, he was biracial, but raised by his father who was a racist. His mother abandoned him. He had been sexually abused by his superintendat at his apartment building. We lived together in school, and he moved out of our house to live alone. He slowly withdrew after this. He seldom answered calls but would always return texts, we'd meet on campus often. I'd visit his house weekly. I didnt take the withdrawal personally, because it was just his way, he was a loner for the most part. One day I visited, a Sunday in August. We were hanging out and he was talking about stories and fun times we both had. I didn't take notice, just laughed along and shot the shit with him. When it was time to leave, I noticed a cool pair of boots he had taht I'd never seen, complimented them, and he said "you can have them". I couldn't take them, they were brand new, and were too small for me. He also offered me other stuff, I don't remember exactly what, but I thought it was weird, but I didn't think anything of it. I said bye, dapped him up and left. The next day I got a call from a different friend of his, saying that they had lunch plans, he didn't show and wasnt answering his phone. When the guy went to his place, he found his body. I was heartbroken. I know there isn't anything I could have done, he decided alone. But I think about how many times I've been about to do something and someone inadvertently said something that they didn't realize they had said that made me change my mind. Thats the only pang of guilt I feel. At first I was a bit upset at him, I saw it as a selfish action, but at the end of the day, again, it was his life, and I know he had shitty experiences growing up, but I don't know all of what went on in his head, or his reasons. But Fuck, I do miss him a lot.