We were dropping off a patient at the psych hospital. He was a schizophrenic off his meds. Calm guy, kept saying his penis was bothering him. When we asked what was wrong with it, he said "nothing". Turns out he had to take a leak, but couldn't quite communicate that to us. Told him we'd get him to the bathroom when we got there, and he was fine with it.

We get to the hospital, and the nurse (who's nickname was 'Congo', because he had the mannerisms of an African warlord according to my partner. "I swear it's not a race thing, just trust me") asks him if anything is bothering him. He explains that a woman "nutted" into his penis. The nurse gets irritated with us because we obviously didn't check it, and there's now a problem they don't deal with at the psych hospitals. My partner tries explaining to the nurse that it's nothing, he just has to use the bathroom. He's not buying it, yells at us for not doing our jobs, and starts asking the patient more questions, and keeps getting the same answer above back.

He really wants to get to the bottom of this situation, and asks the patient what he means by that. I see my partner slowly shaking his head and looking at the ground, before finally explaining to the nurse "well, what he's saying is, he was having sex with a woman, and she 'came' inside of his penis. That's what he means. 'Nutted' means she had an orgasm that went into his penis" without a hint of sarcasm. The nurse is silent for a bit, and just says "......okay, you guys can go now"

I walked out and couldn't even laugh. I told my partner that might have been one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and I just blew a funny fuse.