Those are tricky questions... I was 17 when I “broke free” of him but then immediately I was scooped up by his brother. He used my history of abuse against me, basically telling me he’d “take care of me”. So from 12-17 I was molded and from 17-21 I was severely controlled by an even more violent version of his brother. So 9 years of different tactics and very different goals.

I still struggle with “freedom”. I prefer choices to be made for me most of the time. I’m 27 now and you’ll still find me begging someone to decide on something that I should be fully capable of deciding... from what to wear, what to eat, what to say. It’s still much easier for me to give the responsibilities away but I’m working on it. With weekly therapy and lots of self reflection.

Other than the above mentioned symptoms I have trauma that lingers in the form of flashbacks, constantly thinking someone’s going to break into my house and kill me, the smell of my first abuser’s cologne still makes an appearance in many foods I eat. Sometimes I could go days without being able to speak and prefer to just lay in bed with my ears covered. Like overstimulation or something. It’s been a ride, for sure. But every day is a little better and I’m very glad to be here.