At the lowest point of my life, I tried a lean-to hanging. No-one was due to be home for a long time, and I was playing the song I wanted to go out on. I was sitting down with my legs outstretched under my bed hanging from my closet by a belt and a necklace. However, just as I lost consciousness, by some miracle my mum found me.

Naturally she was horrified, and wasn't about to let me go, especially given she had already had one child die. With one hand, in a feat of superhuman strength she lifted me up and sat me on my bed, then gave me a horrific slap in the face. Gave me a black eye apparently. Anyway, this brings me back to the world for a fleeting moment, I hear them calling the ambulance, I try to say "I don't want to go to hospital" but only managed it halfway through the sentence before drooling and going unconscious again.

Apparently, no-one knew how to do CPR, so while waiting for the ambulance to arrive they had the operator tell them how to resuscitate me. Anyway, to cut a long story shorter, I recovered in hospital, and spent the next 3 weeks being put in different Mental Health wards, including some quite terrifying ones, where one Schizophrenic girl became obsessed with me and broke into my room numerous times to try to rape me. Last I saw of her three people were dragging her away from me while she screamed out my name, and then I got transferred away. A very surreal experience.

I'm no longer suicidal, though the underlying issues that drove me there remain, I've found that sometimes all you need to get through is a better reason to live than to die. In that moment of anguish you aren't thinking of how you're hurting others, for me at least I felt I was releasing them from the burden that I was. I had good intentions, well that's how I saw it at the time anyway.

My current philosophy that keeps me going even through the darkest times is that things will get better, and when they do I will be able to make the world a better place be able to unleash my potential to help build a better future for all I can. For now, I just have to endure and survive, dealing with my issues as they surface.

I know my story is long winded and a bit melodramatic, but I wanted to put it out there in case anyone else felt like they were at the end of their rope. Maybe how I'm surviving can help others too, because things do get better, even though it may seem like slow progress, just try to focus on getting through the day, safe and sound, and the weight will begin to lift. Give yourself a life goal, something you couldn't die before you'd done, something far off and maybe even unreachable. It'll be there to push you through the hard times, and one day, you just might find that you are ready to actually achieve your goal, whatever it may be.

TLDR; Suicide attempt, saved by mothers superhuman strength, and a phoned in CPR resuscitation. Went through the mental health system, didn't help me at all, and instead lead me to develop a philosophy to keep on keeping on on my own.

Bonus Tip: No matter how crazy a person seems, there's always someone crazier.