I tried exiting a toxic relationship with my boyfriend (verbal abuse, death threats). When I finally did, I woke up one morning to see my world burned to the ground. He created fake accounts posing as me and sent images to anyone I ever knew. Everyone. I was punished at the cost of what? Trying to exit a relationship that was poisoning my life? This went on for a year, and has since stopped but due to lack of law support for ‘victims’, he remains without criminal charge. My name was ruined, I had men sending me videos and pictures of themselves and their…privates because he posted all my social media and personal info. Every aspect of my social life was tarnished. I was only 18. He saw my vulnerability and ripped my heart out until I hated myself so much that I wanted to die, and still, sometimes do.
How did I cope? I attempted suicide. I self harmed. I even pondered substance abuse to numb my cold reality. I went off the grid and refused to show my name or face to anyone. I now go by a different name. I couldn’t escape his misery so I moved away to a different city where I knew no one and had no friends. This was years ago. I still have no friends, but have met a very kind and generous soul who has made me trust again. Hes shown me that genuine people exist who will not judge me for the faults of others. He has truly helped me in this healing. It has been a long process, one that still affects me and my social skills today. I am still depressed and still feel weak, but I know that what happened to me does not define me. What he did to me does not make me who I am. I trusted someone and they betrayed me. What happened to me says more about his disgusting mind, than it did about my weak heart. I am not a victim. But somedays are harder than the next to try and convince myself of this. I have not yet given up on love, but I have somewhat accepted the idea that my life will be lonesome, and that I just may never marry or bear children due to the crippling fear that still remains deep within my soul. I take it day by day, but I trust no one. I smile alone, and I live my life cautious of everyones intentions. My life will never be the same. Ive accepted this, and I try to live my life as best as I can with what little I still obtain.
People who do post ‘revenge porn’ of their former spouses or lovers will forever have a sick and sad soul dying within them. I trusted him. I loved him. And because of this, I now suffer. I could never bring myself to hurt others. I never retaliated. I never will. I would never want to bring someone so much pain and misery that they end up sitting on their bathroom floor waiting for death to take them, just like I sat.