Hey depressed people of reddit,
I suffered from serious depression in my late 20s. You guys know what that means.. I´ve never seen a doctor besides my back then gf told me that I have it. I also considered taking my life one time very seriously. After I became aware of this thought getting louder and louder inside my head I began riding my bike and walking. In one month 180km just to silence these thoughts where I before did everything by car.
Later that year I got depressed even further but no more taking life thoughts but questioning myself. Who am I, where do I want to go, where am I standing.
THIS was the turning point. I was always looking for outside causes to my mood. And suddenly this extreme attention to the outside turned the spotlight directly onto me because I´ve read some things about narcissts and found myself being one back then. That´s how my journey began.
I´ve had an enlightment experience as a result of questioning myself andy the thoughts ultra deeply. This change in perspective changed everything.. And I mean everything! No more self value problems, no more thoughts of beating me down. Just plain me without fear, because fear is an illusion of your mind.. Basically every thought you are having is an illusion. I´ll write a book about this whole story and my new perspective, because it is filled with love and total understanding of humanity as a whole.
As a summary: * Depression is an illness which is defined by people that are not elightnend themselves. To me in this new perspective it is that your true self knows that something isn´t right in this world. And this is just a fact. Nothing is the way it naturally should be and your mind and body recognizes this and reacts with "depression". You just don´t know yet what is wrong and everybody tries to tell you that you are ill. But you are not, from my point of view.
*Your perception of reality is an illusion. This is such an easy but not understandable fact that you can only clearly grasp, if you´ve made it through an enlightment experience.
*You have to move through your greatest fear.. And I mean the fear of death, to loose everything, to be alone and not able to rely on anybody. This fear is a construct of your mind. If you´ve gone through this, your mind is able to tell the difference between an illusion and reality naturally. But this one is the hardest, because the easiest solution to this problem according to my mind was to end this. But no! This is not the answer... The answer is to WALK through your absolut greates fear of extinction and recognize afterwards, that basically NOTHING has happend! :) Our minds are so powerful in generating fear, but on the other hand it has no power if you managed to look behind the curtain. My fear sensation was extreme.. Like a dark blanket falling over me, getting the thought of ending up in psychatrie having to take meds and all. But today, 3 weeks later this fear has turned into dust. Keep strong whoever reads this. If you´ve managed to walk only through ONE of this fears you basically turn to NEO from matrix.
*personal word from me to you depressed soul: No body wants you. You are an altruist. You don´t want anything from people but get the impression that everybody is only pulling on you. I´ve had the same. I cut down on asking for help because everybody wanted something in return. This is basically with everybody you know. Only the least people (I currently know of 3 people in my not so slim community) that are also doing things selflessly. But everyone else does even the smallest things for themselves. Example? You sneeze and someone says "bless you". If you don´t thank him for that he/she is pissed off. Everyone has expectations and this is what causes/caused our breakdown. But there is a way out of our misery which turns a rotted flower into a wonderful fresh rose. Follow your heart and not your brain, because I tell you.. It is stupid :) You are not your thoughts!
*And one last thing.. Have the guts to stand against 98% of humanity.. Why? Because these 98% are on the wrong path and you are on the right unknowingly. You have to believe me on this, because my book has still to be written where I´ll present the evidence to you ;)