I've had on/off anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, and recently it's gotten a lot worse. I'm also on the autistic spectrum which, long story short, makes certain basic things like planning, getting a job and making friends far more difficult than they should be. I had serious suicidal thoughts just a few weeks ago but ended up not being able to do it.

Actually today I'm totally bummed out because I feel like I could've had the chance to see the US solar eclipse which first came to my attention a few months ago. I work freelance and have some money saved up so time and money wouldn't have been a problem. However when I tried to think about the logistics (can't drive and don't know anyone who lives anywhere near the band of totality) I ended up just shutting down. Now I feel like I've missed out on yet another opportunity.

As shitty as things have been in every other sense, I could at least have seen a spectacular and perhaps once-in-a-lifetime event but nope my brain had to sabotage me yet again...