The girl in my life for the last 6 years.

That's ending now after I fucked up and ran my mouth, said things like, "I know we both love each other very much but think sometimes that's not the end all for a successful relationship, and we have a hard time cooperating as a partnership, and each have things we need to change that I don't see changing anytime soon."

I actually have been improving my situation after she held out for me to do so for a long time, after I had held out for her to improve before turning into a piece of shit. So cool, I was too late and now I've convinced her that it is indeed healthier for us to part ways even if we don't want to. I finally got her to do the responsible things I've been needing her to do, and now I don't want that to happen.

I'm depressed about our whole existence. I don't enjoy a lot in life, especially being forced to work to survive, and she was the one thing I could escape to even if she did things I despised (big thing: drinking issues since she's been depressed for years, and for me I'm just an asshole that didn't have the patience to deal with some of the repeat fuck ups and had an ideal of her instead of accepting her 100% for herself for better or worse. I began to drag her down instead of lift her up, after being dragged down for years.).

Now I have only a meaningless life filled with working to survive to work to survive. Think I'll stop being an active nihilist now and just. I used to be a person with incredibly high self esteem, who brought others up in life. I turned into the complete opposite and began being depressed moreso than I'd ever been about a year and a half ago. Suicide ideation nearly daily, crying whenever I'm alone without some distraction.

Think it's time to call it.