I have attempted suicide 4 times. I will tell you about the last time.

I was on a vacation with my wife, kids, and two other families. We were at a beach house for a week. In this circle of friends, I was the mix master. I made all of the drinks. The first night there, I got blackout drunk. Apparently, I got mad at my wife, and I went to bed by myself. I took a butcher knife from the kitchen to bed with me. My wife came in a bit later to find me holding the knife to my chest ready to plunge it down. I don't remember this. I remember waking up the next morning hungover as fuck and still drunk. I walked into the kitchen where everyone else was having breakfast. I could barely focus my eyes, but I knew that something was wrong. It was on everyone's faces. I spent the rest of the week white-knuckling sober. I am pretty certain I had the DDTs. I was also very scared and very alone. When this torturous week was finally over, my wife refused to speak to me on the drive home. As soon as we got home, she sent the kids to the neighbors. She sat down with me and told me to get out and go find somewhere else to live. If I refused, then she was going to take the kids and leave until I did. I begged her not to do this. She refused. I asked her to take me to the psych ward so that I didn't kill myself. She did that for me at least. From the psych ward, I moved into a sober house. This was a long and difficult journey. That night with the knife was the last drink I have had. 9 years later, I am remarried and have two more beautiful daughters and I have a wonderful relationship with my older kids whom I love very much. Life is still difficult sometimes, but it is easier to deal with when I don't hide from my problems. And it is so damn easier when I am not blackout drunk. If you are thinking of suicide, then just pause what you are doing. Feel whatever you need to feel. Hide from it if you must. Whatever. It is OK. Whatever storm you are having will quiet and your life will get better. I promise you. If I can do this, then so can you.