Hi have bipolar disorder and for well over a decade maybe longer I always thought I would be dead by 34. I'm 34 now so spent the past year doing all I could do to stabalise my mood and ensure it doesn't happen. I'm 1 month before my birthday when I turn 35 so have been contemplating my own death because this year was my deadline. My mood is stabalised I feel great now and I decided it didn't need to happen I can have a happy future. All the work I did paid off.
Then my brother died of a heart attack a few days ago.
So I just find it strange I always had it in my head something bad was gonna happen when I'm 34 and I thought it would be to me. But it wasn't me.
So I feel a bit guilty. I know it isn't rational to to feel like because I decided I'm sticking around that he died but it does feel a bit like that I guess.
And I'm fine I will be ok and I am sticking around I just find the timing strange.