In 2012 I fought in the war in Afghanistan. For close to 3 years after I was perpetually high, drunk, or both. For a solid year out of those 3 I thought about killing myself. Just felt hollow and empty, and then shame for not being able to just deal with it like everyone else. I was able to deal with it only when I realized and was told that everyone’s going thru this, and that some just hide it better. Here I am a decade later, I still have nightmares from time to time, I still think of the cost of our actions everyday. Survivors guilt and still confused feelings about doing our jobs. I don’t know if j have totally dealt with it, or if I ever will, but slowly time has made it easier for me to look backwards with a less emotional and more introspective view. I know I’m not alone, we have lost 8 or maybe more guys to suicide since 2012. A couple of them are not verifiable as suicide but it looks that way. I’d say the thing that helped me the most was knowing I was not alone. Even in the worst of it, you aren’t the first person to experience it, and won’t be the last. There is always a way through.