I was the first person in my family to graduate from college two weeks ago! It's only my AA though. (I don't know when I'll continue to uni because I owe them $10,000 and I'm broke af and jobless right now so that's a bummer. But I know I will continue when I pay it off.)

I have really horrible anxiety and a whole mess of other mental instabilities. I cried a lot just before I had to go to class a lot of the times during the semester because the fear of facing people never lessens. Sometimes I'd even just cry from the relief of leaving class. I'm generally just unstable, but I work really hard on managing it (therapy/meds).

Suffice it to say, I don't ever do anything involving crowds unless I absolutely must. I seriously considered opting out of the graduation ceremony because the idea of being in front of hundreds of people is terrifying and sounds traumatic. But I decided to just do it, in case I don't get to finish my bachelor's. My family has an array of problems and, this sounds shitty to say and I don't mean it that way at all, I don't know when any of us will graduate again (but I constantly encourage them to go to college). Many of my family didn't even finish high school (technically I didn't either -- I got my GED). Plus, I wanted to be counted among the (unfortunately small) group of natives graduating, so that way I'd visible and maybe inspire another native to go back to school. It was because of these reasons I decided to participate in the graduation ceremony.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I'll always remember walking across the stage and hearing my family yelling and clapping for me. I made them so incredibly proud and I'll always remember that night.

It was only like 15 steps across the stage, but god damn it, I deserve gold for risking vomiting and / or passing out in front of hundreds of people.