For me, it definitely started early. My mom of all people left me when I was a year old. Dad was in the army still, so I got shuffled around the family a lot. Spending time with my cousins was amazing, but I started to call my aunt "Mom" and my uncle "Dad" while being there for a long time. Then my dad came to pick me up and I cried my eyes out, confused. I would cry my eyes out when I got dropped off again, as well. Then it became normal to spend time with the family of my dad's friends, to whom I often went to vacation while my dad worked. Unfortunately those happier times changed when he remarried. My step mom was reaaally young. And not the smartest person you could find. Soon, extreme harrassment started, which grew violent and bad after my little brother was born. I sure was a difficult kid with all that past on my shoulders, being used to being pitied and getting attention a lot, but she wouldn't love me. Turned out her hatred stemmed from her having been abused by her own father, while being jealous of the really great relation I have with my father. It actually got so bad that I had to keep my door of my bedroom closed with all my force through most of the nights when she drank too much and wanted to hit me a bit. Ugly times. Too scared to use the laundry machine upstairs in the kitchen. Too scared to make a noise when coming home. I am one hell of a smart girl though, always have been. I confronted the heck out of my step mom, whereas she would start in screaming fits and violence. Then I gave up on everything. Just going to school was hard enough, but all my goals and wishes were swallowed up under the horrors of home. I barely managed to finish highschool with a degree that allowed me to work in offices, never went to study although it was (and still is) a deep wish of mine. I loath her, for having robbed me of the peace required to learn properly and to not be scared of -my- home. But I also loath myself for, although I've only been a kid, teenager, young adult, not having been stronger and not having sought the help I would have needed. Well, I'm doing fine now, my job is great, I earn a lot and managed to climb the career latter even without having studied, although I wish I could have become a history teacher. The only thing left is a deep lack of trust toward people. Sure, I befriend some, but I keep everyone at a distance. I am marred by the past too much to inflict myself onto someone, and I'm none easy to deal with. Sometimes I want to be kinder, more mellowed out. But it's not in me. That part just had no time to properly grow. Oh, and I dislike about 90% of women I meet in life. And dudes are unreliable. I'm a lone wolf for most parts now. The pain endured had been enough for a lifetime :).