So I’m quarantined with my girlfriend. She has poor hygiene practices, but I was hoping while we were locked up together she would shower and groom and we could catch up on some long overdue sex.

Well...the stank ass decides to sit around and not shower, or shave and approached me for sex. I was kind of hard up so I was gonna comply but once her pants came off, the bread factory opened up.

She has a yeast infection like I could never imagine. The yeast isn’t even microscopic. You can see the goddam things. They’ve grown into little tadpoles...swimming around her labia.

I would have just given her anal, but she’s also had the shits and her wiping skills are not up to par. I don’t want to catch ecoli .

I just wanted sex without catching a disease.