I understand you so well.I posted my story and even around here I felt misunderstood by many people. My parents have narcissistic tendencies. My father was abusive and my mother raised me to be as "selfless" as she was.

Which means to never ever do something good for me. Thanks to Mormonism I married the first person I dated. I was so focused on myself not wanting to be like my father that I didn't understand that my wife was the abusive one.

I tried to talk to my mother who over and over would tell me that it is my fault for my wife turning into a demon. She would always talk about my "poor" wife and not even once think about what I was going through.

Life was all about sacrificing myself to others. That's what leads to heavenheaven. Right? Good deeds would surely come back.

Well they didn't. Things got so bad with my marriage that my body said "enough". I had to be hospitalized and my parents were still fully supporting my then wife. I finally spoke to non Mormon therapists and they all said that I have no choice but to divorce and to take the kids.

I finally understood that I can't keep sacrificing for others. I distanced myself from people who were harmful to me. Some years have passed. I still need to take medications to combat the permanent damage the breakdown caused to my body.

But things have been better than ever before. I finally also take care of myself. I don't care what other people are saying, and actually the only people who spoke bad about me were Mormons who sided with the crazy TBM ex-wife.

Outside of Mormonism I am understood. People respect how much I am doing for the kids. Mormons on the other side gave 100% credit to my poor ex wife who spent her days sleeping and watching TV while her husband worked And took care of the children.

You are not alone. Not everyone is raised in a way where he is conditioned to feel immense guilt for not sacrificing himself but it certainly is a problem from growing up as an extreme Christian.