Op, I can somewhat relate. I get that you feel like you aren't ready and I'm proud that are you willing to reflect on yourself. You are considering options on what's best for your child.
There's no manual on how being a good parent. Even if you do "right" by majority of society. There will always be someone who thinks you are wrong.
I think you are jumping the gun to adoption. I get you are still young and even non young parents still deal with the sense of losing themselves.
Let me tell you a little about myself. From the outside I can tell why people would assume I'm a bad parent. I am a stripper. I'm not home at night. I occasionally do blow. I once was an escort and contemplating on starting again.
Coming from my point of view. I wake up in the morning. My child is my alarm clock. I make breakfast. We eat. Take the dogs on a walk or run. I go the gym. My gym offers free childwatch while I work out. We come home. Take dogs on walk. Eat lunch. She watches a bit of tv then takes a nap. Sometimes I take a nap or do things around the house. She wakes up. I run errons. Or lounge around. We may go to the park or the beach. Evening time rolls in, I have to make dinner. She's eating and I'm getting ready to go dance. I take her a bath and put her to bed. Take the dogs on last chance for bathroom break. I got to work, I dance, I provide for our family.
Work and home life are two separate things. My child doesn't know what I do. For one, she's too young to know. But two, when I'm mom, I do my mom duties to the best of my ability.
I think you needs to sit down and talk to your mom. You need to prioritize. You need to be real with yourself. If you don't want to stop partying. Have you thought of maybe giving your mom temp custody. Work on a plan. Do you think you will be ready to be full time parent a year from now? What steps will you take to show your mom you can pick up where you left off? (Parenting classes, stop smoking, got a job or better job, can afford your own housing, etc.) whatever the heck you guys agree on.
Can your mom afford to be a parent again? Will you be able to be help or contribute in anyway? Watching your child when your mom has to do something or financially contribute.
I don't think you are a bad mom, I think you find a balance between mom duties and personal social life.
I think right now you have it backwards. Giving to much time on alone time instead of parenting.
If you want to continue having personal time. Which I always think is healthy for an individual. Decided what time that will be and discuss with your mother. And thank your mom for watching your kid and understanding you are young and enjoy going out. I have "date night" once a week. For a couple hours I get away from my kid once a week to go eat. I don't have family or anyone to fall back on. I pay a babysitter. Every few months I like to pay babysitter for a couple days so i can take a mini vacation in my own kitchen. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. But on this mini vacation every few months. I cook, I drink wine, I may smoke some cigarettes and occasionally if friends are over I do blow. All separate from my child and it doesn't leak into my mom duties.
Btw I didnt know what those mom instincts were for the first two years of my daughters life either. Get help. Talk to a therapist. Helps tremendously.